


Adopting Angry Aliens

by starkravingmad (stark_raving_mad)



Category: Avengers: Endgame - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, fuck the russos and fuck endgame and fuck stephen strange's one finger, pepper is mildly exasperated, tony adopts another alien
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-03-26 09:04:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19002655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stark_raving_mad/pseuds/starkravingmad
Summary: The universe is a large place, and some of the people Thanos pissed off - well, he done fucked up, is all I'm sayin'.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this is a crack crossover-y fix it fic  
> the OC character is based off of the Uchiha clan from Naruto, because those eye hax would defeat Thanos like nothing
> 
> edit 6/5: changed the title. new one seems more appropriate

With his Snap, Thanos destroyed half of the universe.

He then went off to go live in some garden, because he was a psycho and genuinely believed he had done the world - excuse me,  _universe_ \- some good.

Arguably every single surviving person in the universe disagreed with this assessment. People had lost their mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, etc. They had lost their lovers. Imagine getting stood up at the altar because your bride vanished. Imagine having your man turn into ashes when he's balls deep inside of you. Talk about a mood killer.

Anyway, the point is - everyone had lost someone. Nobody reacted  _well_ to this, but some people reacted a bit differently than others. It was as Steve Rogers would go on to say: some people move on, but not us.

Some people reacted with grief, and some people just went straight to rage and stayed there.

* * *

The thing about the Infinity Stones was this - they had the power to affect everything in the universe, sure, but that didn't mean that everyone was aware of them. Earth had lived in blissful ignorance before the Chitauri Invasion of New York in 2012. Similarly, there were many, many other planets in the universe that had  _no idea_  what the Infinity Stones were or what Thanos was. 

On one such planet - we don't know its name, but that's not the point - there lived a race of people much like the Asgardians. By this, dear reader, I mean that these people were sturdier than those that lived on Earth, spent a ridiculous amount of time fighting each other, had strangely advanced healing but very basic technology in most other respects. 

Twenty-five years before the Snap, a girl named Liliana and a boy named Lucian were born to the same clan/tribe/what have you on this planet. Unfortunately one of the governments then decided genocide was a great idea, and so these two lost pretty much everyone they had ever known or loved at the tender age of nine years old. As this is just backstory, we won't get into exactly what happened in the next decade and a half, but suffice it to say they went through some shit. Finally, they settled down at the ripe old age of twenty-five (I jest, but also, these two in particular weren't really expected to live that long), and that's when the Snap happened.

If Thanos had been less stupid crazy, he might have killed people a little less indiscriminately. As luck would have it, the Snap killed Lucian and left Liliana alive. She was one of those people who went straight to rage. It wouldn't have been much better if Lucian had been the one left alive - he was far more revenge-obsessed than Liliana had ever been. So basically, the whole indiscriminate killing thing? It was probably going to fuck Thanos over. 


	2. Chapter 2

Somewhere around three and a half years after the Snap, Tony Stark received a very panicked call from one Bruce Banner. 

"Brucie! Long time no talk!"

"Tony, hi, good to see you. Hear you. We have a problem; you need to get your family to safety."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Bruce, slow down, what's happening? Why's my family in danger?"

A conveniently timed knock sounded at the door. "Hold on, Bruce, I need to answer the door."

"Tony, wait - "

In typical Tony Stark fashion, Tony muted his phone and went for the door. Outside stood a woman who gave him serious Loki vibes - lots of leather, overall kinda emo, etc. Tony promptly slammed the door shut and got Bruce back on the phone. "Hey Bruce, any chance the danger is coming in the form of a chick Loki?"

"Uhh..."

"Lots of leather, very emo, black hair, some sharp stabby weapons."

"Yes, yes, that's her."

The knocking returned.  _What a weirdly polite villain,_  reflected Tony, right before he remembered that Morgan was  _in the house_ and went spiraling straight into panic.

Within seconds, he had an empty suit watching Morgan while he himself went shooting out of the house and straight into the woman's torso. Unfortunately, she recovered quite quickly, and got him with a solid kick to the abdomen.  _Fuck. Is she like Thor?_

Worse, apparently - the woman sent a wave of water at him, like a freaking waterbender from Avatar, and then promptly froze it around his suit. She then vaulted onto the ice and ripped off his faceplate a la Thanos. Tony made eye contact with the woman's blood red eyes, and then his body froze. Even in that moment, Tony couldn't help thinking,  _So less Norse myth and more vampire, huh._

"Are you Tin Man?"

Tony blinked. Not exactly what he was expecting. "...Yes?"

"How did you do it?"

"Excuse me? I have no idea what you're talking about."

The woman's creepy red eyes narrowed, and she hissed, "I  _said,_  How. Did. You. Do. It?"

After some confusion, Tony managed to figure out that she was actually after Thanos, and for some reason thought his name was Tin Man, and had therefore thought that Tony was Thanos.

_What the fuck._


	3. Chapter 3

Pepper pulled up in front of the lake house with a sense of dread. She took a moment to rest her head on the steering wheel - and by rest, she meant lightly slamming her forehead against it. She left Tony for one week - ONE WEEK - and he managed to get himself into trouble. She loved the man, but sometimes she questioned her decision to get married to him.

With one final, heartfelt sigh, she got out of the car and let herself into the house. She found Tony in the kitchen, attempting another one of his apology omelettes. The island was stacked with plates of the rejected attempts. She couldn't help the small huff that escaped her; Tony was just too cute, sometimes. 

The man in question turned around with a flourish and a delighted, "Pep!"

She melted into his embrace and let herself relax into the familiarity of it all. _Home._ Then she pulled away, somewhat regretfully, to stare at Tony. He fidgeted nervously, but didn't say anything. "Tony, you can't just adopt aliens whenever you want," she said.

He stared back with a look that said _of course I can_ , but what he actually said was, "But why not?"

Pepper supposed the sentiments were pretty much the same. "They have _families_ , To-"

"Nebula's adoptive 'father' was a genocidal maniac!"

She couldn't quite suppress a wince. That was...a very good point. "Yes, that's true, but I'm sure this other alien has family - "

"Oh, no no no," interrupted Tony. "This alien has a similarly horrifying background - her whole, like, _tribe_ is dead because of state-sanctioned genocide."

Pepper's mouth opened and closed a couple of times, but nothing came out. 

"Then Thanos dusted her boyfriend and she went on a revenge spree."

Her mouth continued to move soundlessly. Really, how could she argue with that?

She sighed, her whole body slumping as she did so, and said, "Alright, fine. You win. Where is she, anyway?"

At that, Tony's posture immediately became shifty. "About that..."

Pepper sucked in a breath. " _Tony Potts-Stark,_ you better not have left our daughter with a murderous alien or so help me!!"

Just another day in the Potts-Stark household.


End file.
